Jeremy Clarkson Forum

[norfolkcaravanner]

Stick it all on the railways........leave a bit more room on the road for us shed pullers.........

[Ivor Bigtruck]

Ah, that old argument again!

Don't know about you lot in Norfolk, but do you have a railway siding running to the loading area of all your local supermarkets? No, I didn't think so. What about all the industrial estates and factories? No, those neither.

About 15 years ago I was involved with intermodal work, in other words collecting containers from railheads, mainly from the continent, and taking them for delivery to the final destination. I have to tell you that it was, at best, very inefficient, and at worse a total farce. Several times I sat for hours at Willesden terminal waiting for a train which was lost in a siding somewhere. It took them over a week to find it. Yes - an entire train - 40+ freight containers long!

I admit, it can be a pain in the arse getting stuck behind a lorry, especially when you are late for a meeting, or for work, but putting freight on the rails will only displace the problem. The rail network cannot handle the volume of freight and commuter / passenger traffic it has to cope with now. Add to this and commuters will never get to work on time by train.

Like it or not, the most efficient way, and the most environmentally friendly way to move freight about in this country is by road. Truck manufacturers have invested billions over the past few years in developing cleaner engines. This is not the case with rail freight locomotives, which we still see today belching out huge clouds of smoke. Be honest, when was the last time you saw a modern lorry leaving behind a cloud of smoke?

[fifthwheel]

Don't know about y'all,but with computerised engines over here,when you see a truck smoking badly it denotes a problem such as a bad turbo.And Ivor is right about the railroads.They are good for moving huge volume of materiel in bulk but not in a time critical situation.And I've seen them loose entire trains and then it was up to trucks to keep factories supplied with product to keep them from shutting down.Like it or not,trucks are absolutely essential in the distribution of products.Now if we could put caravans on trains it would free up the roads!

[Ivor Bigtruck]

Best thing to do with railroads is to tear up the tracks, make 'em into cycle paths, and then ban ALL Velosipedophiles from our roads! Bridges over these newly built cycle paths should then be used for volunteers to throw buckets of dirty water (or cow shit) over these spandex clad perverts!

Agreed?

Volunteers please sign up below.

[Tobop09]

Haha! This thread. Clarkson would only be saying that lorry drivers kill hookers because it's in movies a lot. Maybe he's just making a pun on the whole theme which has been used way too much. Blame Hollywood, not Clarkson.

[Ivor Bigtruck]

Or maybe he spends too much time watching crappy American films (no offence fifthwheel) instead of reading this forum!!?

Anyhow, what's that to do with chucking cow shit at cyclists? Are you volunteering, or not!?

[fifthwheel]

Do you really think Jeremy EVER reads this site?I don't.But maybe you could get him to "chuck some cowshit" at cyclists.He may think it sounds like fun,specially if you could use end loaders or dump trailers.Or possibly an air cannon.

[norfolkcaravanner]

Suppose we could put it all on the trains......would keep most of your lot off the roads!

[Ivor Bigtruck]

Trains can't handle leaves on the line, or the wrong kind of snow. They'd never cope with cowshit, or bullshit for that matter.

A better idea, why not move all passengers off the roads and put them all on the railways. Ban buses! they can all go by train! Ban cars and taxis, camper vans and caravans. Everyone can go by train and free up the roads!

"What?", I hear you cry, "that it would never work! Would be totally impractical! Trains don't go where people want to go!".

Well shock of all horrors, trains also don't go where people want freight delivered to. BUT LORRIES DO, AND DO IT VERY QUICKLY AND WITH UNRIVALLED EFFICIENCY!

The Road Haulage Industry and its lorries are the lifeblood of this, and every other countries economy. A fact everybody should get used to.

Put it all on the trains! Ha!

Silly argument, isn't it?

[fifthwheel]

I personnally would love to see some government ban all trucks from the roads for a period of time,preferably the week before Christmas.When the stores ran out of goods to sale,food and drink,and all the gas pumps ran dry perhaps the average person would wake up to the fact that without trucks there is no commerce.As for putting it all on rail,don't get me started!I think the problem is that people are used to trucks by sharing the road with them but few have any experience with trains,especially freight trains.

[norfolkcaravanner]

Loads of deisel around here......mostly red......mostly in old untaxed pick up trucks....with a couple of celtic speaking driveway repair chaps at the wheel.....or roofing, hedges, trees, lead removal...aluminium road signs our speciality......at least thev,e all got the same tax code number.....FA2UK.....

[bozmech]

Truck driver here mate :)

[fifthwheel]

Truck driver here mate :)

Good to meet a fellow driver.Hope you don't mind too much when the malcontents snipe at you.If you don't mind me asking,what kind of trucking do you do?I pull a tank.It used to be liquid but now it's a pneumatic bulk tank.

[norfolkcaravanner]

Truck driver here mate :)

Good to meet a fellow driver.Hope you don't mind too much when the malcontents snipe at you.If you don't mind me asking,what kind of trucking do you do?I pull a tank.It used to be liquid but now it's a pneumatic bulk tank.

Yeah....... here we go again......see previous comments.........

[welshwizard]

Here's one for all the lorryists............ Smokey and the bandit theme lyrics.

West bound and down, eighteen wheels are rollin' ,
we're gonna do what they say can't be done.
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there.
I'm west bound, just watch ol' "Bandit" run.

Keep your foot hard on the pedal. Son, never mind them brakes.
Let it all hang out 'cause we got a run to make.
The boys are thirsty in Atlanta and there's beer in Texarcana.
And we'll bring it back no matter what it takes.

West bound and down, eighteen wheels are rollin' ,
we're gonna do what they say can't be done.
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there.
I'm west bound, just watch ol' "Bandit" run.

West bound and down, eighteen wheels are rollin' ,
we're gonna do what they say can't be done.
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there.
I'm west bound, just watch ol' "Bandit" run.

Ol' Smokey's got them ears on and he's hot on your trail.
He aint gonna rest 'til you're in jail.
So you got to dodge 'im and you got to duck 'im,
you got to keep that diesel truckin'.
Just put that hammer down and give it hell.

West bound and down, eighteen wheels are rollin' ,
we're gonna do what they say can't be done.
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there.
I'm west bound, just watch ol' "Bandit" run.

There you go lads. Knock yourself out!!!

And here's a link to the video so you can all sing along

http://www.musicbabylon.com/artist/jerr ... lyrics.htm

10-10 rubber duck rodger dodge

[Ivor Bigtruck]

Bit bored then, eh Taffy?

And why would anybody actually want to roger a Dodge?

[bigt]

(God only knows how they would get on with a 13 or 18 cog Fuller 'box!), quote - unqoute.

So here we go, its down and back to the days when Nelson climbed the victory when it was still a tree, London was still a town where the population was made up from the cast of Oliver, men were men, truckers were hard as nails and sheep somewhat nervous.

I have heared all the truck stories of the old days, you walk into a room and the air is thick with diesel fumes from the breath of some grizzled ole truckers on about the old days when in the depths of winter, the oly way to get a gardner 8LXB started was to warm the fuel pipes between your arse cheeks, whilst kicking the starting hanlde over with your left foot. Then there was the time I came down the snake pass in a midnight winter storm with nothing but a candle for guidance and a duck for warmth.


Whats the old adage - if you can drive a Guy big J4, then you can drive anything.........

seriously though, I have to reluctantly admit, that without trucks, what is left of the economy would grind to a halt.....

[Ivor Bigtruck]

Then there was the time I came down the snake pass in a midnight winter storm with nothing but a candle for guidance and a duck for warmth.

Snake Pass is for lightweights! Try the Thurn Pass in Austria when it's snowing like f***, and not a duck in sight for warmth. In all the trips I did to Austria, I never ever once saw a goat! Nor did I ever hear any bugger yodeling!

As for 'candles for guidance', that must've been in the good ol' days when 'Elton John headlights' were fitted as standard. Two candles in the wind.

[bigt]

Then there was the time I came down the snake pass in a midnight winter storm with nothing but a candle for guidance and a duck for warmth.

Snake Pass is for lightweights! Try the Thurn Pass in Austria when it's snowing like f***, and not a duck in sight for warmth. In all the trips I did to Austria, I never ever once saw a goat! Nor did I ever hear any bugger yodeling!

As for 'candles for guidance', that must've been in the good ol' days when 'Elton John headlights' were fitted as standard. Two candles in the wind.

Dou you know something I.B. I have come to the conclusion that you are just a Black Cat i.e. If I had gone on my holidays to Tenerife, you would have already been to Elevenerife - 1 better !!! LMAO.......

[Ivor Bigtruck]

No, never been to Tenerife, but did see it through the mist from Gran Canaria.

Elevenerife, don't think it actually exists - except in your fantasy world!

My apologies Bigt, if my experience of life makes you in some way feel inferior. This was not my intention, really.

Much of what I have said on this topic is in responce to questions asked, and comments made by others, Fifthwheel to name just one. It is a subject matter relating to lorry drivers as the title suggests and thus, it should not be surprising if stories and comments about life on the road appear, some true, some funny, and all reflective of an unusual way of life most people outside the industry have no comprehension of.

If other readers and contributors to this esteemed forum wish to read comments made by myself and others, then that's all to the good and I hope they find them interesting and in some cases funny. But if you find this subject boring, as you clearly do yourself, Bigt, then there is plenty of other subject matter here on this forum, and on the Worldwide Web in its entirety, in which you can choose to seek something which does interest you.

[fifthwheel]

While there are many threads on this fine website,this one clearly was aimed at truckers.If you are ,that's fine.But if you aren't then why complain about what is posted? Perhaps bigt is new to the industry and like plenty of new drivers over here,already knows all there is to know about the business.I've been at it for more than 20 years and have seen and experienced more than a few things,but I still learn new things.By the way,what is a Guy big j4 and a gardner 8lxb?

[bigt]

Oh dear,

It would appear its time to eat humble pie and set the record straight.

First of all, big apologies to any one upset by my apparent acerbic comments - my tenerife quip was rather tounge in cheek and as I thought that you were someone with a sense of humour and fun would see it as such, I certainly meant nothing personal by it.

Secondly, I have had an HGV licence since 1981 and currently still work in the industry, in fact I run 20 in number 44 tonners!

If my warped humour doesnt work, then I will just shut up !!

nuff said ?

[bigt]

While there are many threads on this fine website,this one clearly was aimed at truckers.If you are ,that's fine.But if you aren't then why complain about what is posted? Perhaps bigt is new to the industry and like plenty of new drivers over here,already knows all there is to know about the business.I've been at it for more than 20 years and have seen and experienced more than a few things,but I still learn new things.By the way,what is a Guy big j4 and a gardner 8lxb?

PS.

A 1970's tractor unit and a vintage diesel engine, respectively.

[fifthwheel]

It's hard to tell,at least for me,if a comment is tongue-in-cheek,sarcastic, or what.That's the problem with the written word,it's difficult to convey the subtleties of the spoken word.And since there are so many grumpy bastards on this site one assumes the worst.But it would be a welcome change to have some fun instead of being a grumpy bastard all the time. So hang around for a while and keep posting.What does "20 in number 44 tonners" mean?

[bigt]

it means 20 tractor units and of course trailers......