Jeremy Clarkson Forum

[Rory]

I refer to James Mays column on 14th November 2009. The photo of the three top gear presenters together is clearly fake. I say this for two reasons;- The top of Richard Hammonds head is level with your eyes whereas we all know he could much easier give you a blow job than kiss you. Secondly it is quite impossible to get the three of you that close together without fisticuffs breaking out. The third of my two reasons is that the lighting on you is completely different from the other two pillocks. And Fourthly James May is clearly wearing bedroom slippers and not even he would be fool enough to venture onto a runway is such inappropriate footwear.

I am sure your lawyers will be in touch with the DT forthwith and look forward to reading the apology soon. Please donate any damages to a charity of your choice which should be wounded servicemen.

Rory